10/18/13

So this post was going to be about how i lost
my phone today and how pissed off i was.
But then i read a comment on here and it just made me feel
so much better. You guys  mean so much to me.
I still can't believe people atchally care to
read about my life. Sometimes when  i read a comment on
here i can't help but  cry. It makes me realize
people really care and i'm not alone <3

Well  yeah i lost my phone today at school and it
made me pretty upset. So i came home and
ate some spaghetti from  last night which
just made me feel even worse.
I hate that feeling after you eat
and you know you should be happy
because your getting better but
something inside of you just
doesn't get it. Like i spend the last 4
years  telling myself food was bad
and now my body believes it.

Sorry for the really long post guys but
i wanted to share my thoughts with you about
my psychiatrist appointment last Monday
She asked me about  how i'v been eating
and i  lied and told her i no longer felt the urge
to restrict or purge. Then she told me to get on the scale.
113.7 She was so happy but  i still didn't quite understand
why. To me that  number was terrible.
Its weird how she can be so proud
at the same number that makes me feel
disgusting. I realize that sometimes
i might "glamorize" my ED
but that's just my minds way of dealing with it.
Eating disorders are the worst things ever.
I hate it, but sometimes it feels like
it's the only thing i'v got left.